Officially a North Carolinian

This weekend I travelled with my friend Lisa to the town of Boone, North Carolina. I feel like you can't be an official resident of North Carolina without having visited Boone, so now I'm official! :) We left Greensboro Friday evening and arrived at G and Tracy's house a couple hours later. We had a lot of fun getting the house ready to be invaded by many people for Joshua's first birthday party the next day! Saturday morning we finished things up and then the relatives started arriving. Little Joshua was definitely the center of attention! It was a good first birthday party. After the party Lisa and I did a little shopping with her mom, and then Lisa and I drove on the parkway a bit and did a mini-hike on Beacon Heights trail--it was beautiful!! I had rained on the drive up the mountain, and after we were there awhile we saw a rainbow over the mountains!


We were actually pretty close to the rainbow and it was huge, so I could only get a tiny bit of it in the picture. The view of the mountains from the overlook was beautiful, and we both had an enjoyable time spending some alone time in the great outdoors. Something about the beauty of the outdoors makes life peaceful for a moment and you forget the hard things in life.

We spent Saturday night at G and Tracy's house again and left at 6am to get back to Greensboro for church. Thankfully tomorrow is a sleep-in day :) It's been a fantastic holiday weekend so far, and I am looking forward to a few more trips to Boone!

Marvin and the babies

This is probably going to turn out to be one of my token "cheesy" posts that seem to be a part of every blog at some point in time. I apologize beforehand!

Shortly after I moved to Greensboro I bought myself a bird feeder. Mostly because I was unemployed at the time and wanted living creatures to keep me company while I watched tv. And they have!--it's been great. There are at least 10 different kinds of birds that come and get fat off of my birdseed. Recently I have been aquiring more and more cardinals. At first there were only 3 that I knew of (named Marvin, Marissa, and Marsha). Now I have a least 8 (I still call all of them Marvin, Marissa, or Marsha because I can't tell them all apart anymore). This weekend I viewed the most adorable thing among some of my cardinal friends, and it's still been making my heart smile.

One of my Marvins has a baby. Which I have known, because I've spotted him feeding it sometimes. But this weekend I discovered Marvin has three babies! These babies aren't very little, they are almost as big as Marvin is, but you can tell by the way that they follow him around that they belong to him. The three babies were sitting on my patio eating the seeds that had fallen out of the feeder. Their beaks are not as big yet though, so I think sometimes they still need help cracking the shells. Well, Marvin swooped down to the other side of the patio to eat some food for himself, and immediately all 3 of his babies RAN straight toward him sqeaking loudly and fluffing their feathers. And Marvin hopped around, breaking seeds open, and put them in his babies' mouths. They just followed him around and every time he stopped, they would stand right in front of his face with their beaks open wide making the loudest chirping sounds ever. And Marvin didn't get tired of them or ignore them, he just kept feeding them. First of all, that was just the cutest thing ever. Secondly, it momentarily made me think of Jesus.

Confession: For awhile now, I don't read my Bible except in church. I don't have quiet times. And I don't really pray. And I don't feel guilty. I'd say I'm still a Christian and am just a little lost right now, but I'm sure there are plenty of people that would doubt my sincerity. But these birds made me think of Jesus, and His care. First it made me think of the verse in the Bible mentioning that if God takes care of even the smallest bird, don't you think He will take care of you? And also I was just thinking about His provision. That He doesn't get tired of caring for us, that He promises our daily bread (or in this case, bird seed), and that He hears our sqeaks for fulfillment.

I'm sure Marvin was just acting on instinct to care for his three little birds, and that he doesn't have the capacity for love that you and I do, but to me it was just a small glimpse of Heaven on earth. End of cheesy post.

So many things I don't understand.

Today I made a huge mistake at work. Very big. I felt awful and it left me in tears (in the middle of the work day). Two of my favorite co-workers handed me tissues and told me that yes, it was a mistake, but no, it wasn't the end of the world. They were very nice, but I didn't really believe them. I've already made so so many mistakes, and this was a very not-good one. The rest of the day I could almost feel me shriveling up inside myself. I thought about quitting my job. I told myself that I will always be the girl that screws things up. I was once again reminded of my overly-large ability to make people's lives worse.

Before I was getting ready to leave for the day, the head nurse--an older woman who has yelled at me before and who is never afraid to say exactly what she is thinking--came up to my front desk to ask me to give some supplies to someone. As she was walking away, she turned around and came back and started bringing up my mistake. And she said, "Don't worry about. Everyone has done something like that, whether they'll admit it or not. It's part of life. I make mistakes all the time." I said "Barbara I feel so so bad about doing that." And she said, " Don't worry about it. It's okay." Her words probably meant a little more to me because I knew from my history with her that she is not one to sugar-coat things, and she meant exactly what she said. And on my drive home, my mind lingered on the simple (yet not so simple) idea of grace. I may not have experienced much grace with the patient who was greatly affected by my mistake, but I did experience grace from the head nurse. A person who had every right to sit me down, tell me how incompetent I am, replay my mistakes, and ignore my tears. And instead she shared simple words of good-will and encouragement. Just a simple story, but I think one that will stay with me for a long time. Now I have two life-stories of grace.

There are now two great stories of grace in my life. Two instances where I had supremely screwed up and there was nothing I could do to fix the mistakes. Two times when I knew I deserved nothing but anger and punishment, but unexpectedly received only love and grace instead. Once, with my Linds, and once with a nurse named Barbara.

Thoughts in my head

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing (hopefully good), but I'm starting to get discontent with my life in Greensboro (but not in a "I hate life" kind of way). More of a "even though I don't like being around people very much, coming home from work and watching tv until I fall asleep is starting to lose some of its appeal" kind of way. This weekend was the first time I felt a little lonely since moving here (which I guess is great because that means I've had a month and a half of being fine!). (I seem to be using parentheses a lot). Anyways, this weekend was one of those times of just wishing some of my favorite college friends were around to go to dinner and have a game night or something. But it wasn't a terribly depressing time, just some wishful thinking. :) Making new friends takes a lot of effort, and I don't quite feel up to the task!

On another note, there was an elderly patient sitting in the lobby at work the other day who was talking to the elderly people next to her, and said something like, "I won't be voting for anyone this election. It's more like I'll just be voting against someone." I am inclined to agree with her. And that's probably the most politics that I'll ever mention on here (or in real life as well)...and if you happen to be very opinionated about one candidate or the other, really don't post a comment--I already know that I'm uninformed, and I also think arguing/debating over the internet is stupid :)

Oh and a few shout outs...my older sister's birthday was on Friday and my younger sister's birthday is this coming Monday--happy birthday Emily and Karin, I miss you!

Recent things I'm thankful for:

(I've noticed that I seem to like creating lists on this blog rather than writing in paragraphs)

-first paychecks with a new job. It’s always such a happy day.
-adorable old people and cute little kids I check in for surgery. They are much more rare than the grumpy and irate patients, but they can make a whole day a little better.
-nice office people giving me tours of nice apartments and having their act together much better than I’ve been experiencing with my current living situation…
-to not be affected by the start of a new school year. For the first time since I was 4, school starting won’t make any difference in my life (except maybe getting stuck behind school buses sometimes). I am thankful to have a steady, un-changing daily routine for awhile.
-short catch-up phone calls from people I love.
-free krispy kreme doughnuts at work on Fridays
-freezepops. I live off those things.
-over two weeks of no intruder in my apartment. A very good thing.
-not having to set my alarm for 5am this morning.
-that I can wear the same outfit to church every Sunday and no one notices because I go to a different church each week.

Mistakes I've Made At Work:

-I didn't put the coffee pot together correctly one day. The people sitting in the lobby could not get the coffee to work. I felt really dumb.
-I checked in a man who did not have anyone to take care of him after his extensive foot surgery. Evidently I'm not supposed to do that, and the doctor had to pay money to get him a home health care nurse. Oops.
-A woman asked me the status of a patient named "Rory". I looked on the chart and told the woman that she was doing just fine and was in recovery. Turns out Rory is a he.
-I started having a woman sign papers in her chart, and it turns out it was not her chart. And she was the one that noticed it.
-I did not have the patients that couldn't get their wedding rings off sign a "jewelry consent form." Who knew that was even needed?

There are plenty more, but those are the crazy ones. Work is...interesting. I enjoy a couple of the people I work with, but some people are just pretty mean. I guess another thing that comes with working in an office full of almost all women is lots of bickering and petty fights....seriously they are like 5 year olds sometimes. I don't want to become that!

Also, does anyone have a solution for extremely smelly shoes? I know that's kind of a gross question, but the shoes I wear to work most frequently are really really smelly and it needs fixing.

On another note, I made brownies a couple days ago and I burnt half of them. I actually didn't know it was possibly to burn brownies until I did it. But the un-burnt half tasted quite good.

Random Weekend Thoughts

1. I added a new life goal to my list recently. I've decided that before I die I want to visit all 48 continental United States (all 50 states if possible). I printed out a map and used my favorite purple colored pencil to fill in all the states I have already visited (I know, I'm a dork). So far I've been to 29 of the states...only a few more left :)

2. I love the summer olympics. I try to watch the winter olympics if I think about it, but I always get really excited about the summer olympics. I've spent the better part of today watching some of the different events, and it makes me so happy! Something about all these different countries getting together, having some healthy competition, and accomplishing feats I couldn't even begin to try.

3. I decided I am definitely moving. I still have to pay 2 months rent at this place, but then they won't hold me to my lease, so I guess that's better than nothing. I will start looking for new places soon.

4. In North Carolina you only have to display one license plate. In Virginia, two are required. I removed my Virginia plates and put on my North Carolina plate, but now the front of Crystal (my car) looks bare and empty and I think it makes her a little sad. But I guess it's better to have it bare than to buy one of those tacky decorative plates with such uplifting statments such as "God's Girl" or "No Jesus No Peace, Know Jesus Know Peace".

5. I had a great time hanging out with a group of friends in Winston-Salem last night and trying out my hand at playing Rock Band (and also eating some amazing mints from a Japanese restaurant). However I did learn that waking up at 5am and not going to sleep until after midnight makes me completely useless the whole next day (it took all of my energy just to do a load of laundry this morning!). Ha, life is interesting.

Being a working girl (kind of)

I've been getting lots of questions about my job status, so for those of you who don't know--I have a job (hooray!). I've been working for a week and a half now at an outpatient surgery center that's only about 6 minutes from my apartment. Officially called the "intake coordinator" I'm basically just the front desk girl. I put together new patient charts, and check in everyone that comes in for surgery (which includes asking them slightly scary questions such as if they will want a blood transfusion if they happen to have a medical emergency, or if they have a living will). So far I've enjoyed it, though today wasn't the greatest because somehow I kept managing to mess everything up (and even got yelled at by a nurse) :( I have to be there at 5:45am ever day (which is hard but not as rough as it sounds), and the great part is that I'm done by 2:30 every day and have the afternoon to watch tv or run errands--which I love! I really love the girl that's training me, and one older lady that I work closely with. A few other ladies that I work with are not so nice or friendly and are pretty intimidating, but I'm still a new worker so they have to be at least a little nice to me at first ;-) Yay for having a job! Now if I can only find a new (safe) apartment that is still close by to work.

Just when things were perfect...

If you haven't been able to tell, I love living in Greensboro. Things have been going great and I was just starting to feel settled and good about life. Until Thursday happened. Some of you already know, but my apartment was broken into on Thursday while I was at work. Crazy, I know. Nothing was stolen, which I am thankful for, but on the other hand gives my imagination plenty of stories as to why the intruder would have broken in in the first place if they didn't want to take anything valuable. I was pretty shaken up, but I will admit I kind of felt like a movie star when the CSI lady came and started dusting for fingerprints and snapping pictures.

But the situation makes my life messy. Am I over-reacting? Do I move? Do I move to another apt. complex? Or do I stay and just move into a 3rd floor apt? What if I'm not allowed to break my lease? What if all the apartments I can afford are all sketchy? Do I tell my parents that this happened? Do I spend every night at my friend Lisa's house until I find a new apartment? There are many questions, and I just keep putting them off. The thought of moving yet AGAIN makes me want to throw up. My whole vision of moving to Greensboro involved finding a place I could settle into and staying there for at least a few years. If I move, I will have moved four times in less than a year! I don't know if I can handle that. Boo on me for making a bad decision about this apartment! I'll keep you updated on what I decide...