Update and Advent

It has been awhile, and I don't know where to start. The summer ended with my little sister leaving her life in Alabama and driving up here to live on my futon. She's been doing great--found a job and is making friends. We've both agreed that she needs to be out by the end of the year, since really my living room is not the best place to live, so she has been apartment-searching around the area. It is great having her in town and spending time with her.

This advent season has been good for my heart. In the time leading up to Christmas day when Jesus is born and prophecies fullfilled there is such a feeling of anticipation and groaning. Waiting. I feel like that is often the state of my life--usually in a good way, thankfully. I am EAGERLY awaiting the second coming of Jesus, when all tears will be wiped away and all things will be new. My soul was made for that day, and longs to come home to it. I've thought this was pretty normal until a few months ago as I was praying over some friends. I said, "And Jesus please come back soon". My friends laughed and had a slightly puzzled look on their faces. And I had to say "Of COURSE I want Him to come back soon!" No pleasures in this life could even come close to the joy of being with my Jesus. I think that's why advent just resonates with me. What a time to anticipate all being right with the world, and reflect on the goodness of God come to earth!

Hello, Summertime

Mmmm.... life in the summer time is so wonderful! Everyone just seems a tad more relaxed. Now if only I didn't have to work 40 hrs a week, it would be perfect. ;-)

So far, besides work, my summer hasn't been too eventful, but still filled with fun. I went on a day hike up hanging rock with my friend Christine, which was exhausting and wonderful. Fourth of July was spent watching the downtown parade, and then partaking of Toy Story 3 in theatres (highly recommended, as are all of the toy story movies!).




I've also really, REALLY been enjoying getting to know people in my church better. The girls I go to Bible study with are great, and some families I've been getting to know just really make life fun! I watched fireworks on the 4th with Tammie and Mickey and their wonderful daughter Maddie, and recently I pretended to play hostess and had a dear family over to my apt for some dessert. It's great to just be grafted into to other people's families!

Kindred Spirits

Typically every year or so I spend a chunk of time watching Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea straight through. I think what first attracted me to the movies when I was little was that Anne had red hair like me (although, unlike Anne, I've always liked my red hair!). Now I love Anne because she has a wonderful story with lots of humor, deep friendships with Diana, and of course pretty much the most romantic saga of all times with Gilbert :) What really strikes me about Anne though is her discovery of "kindred spirits". Of course, she automatically discovers some of these kindred spirits, such as Diana Berry, and sweet Matthew. But what I particularly love is how people that make Anne furious also eventually become kindred spirits. Gil--who makes Anne so mad she breaks her slate over his head--because a kindred spirit (and eventually husband). Rachel Lynde, the town gossip who speaks her mind, eventually wins over Anne's heart and is dubbed a kindred spirit. And there are many others...Diana's Aunt, the Pringles, and old Mrs. Harris. Once Anne enters into their world and discovers what makes them who they are, she finds something lovable in them after all. I absolutely love that--and think it is something we can all learn from. There is a saying that "hurt people hurt people." I think a lot of the time that is true--those that are wounded most sometimes act out and cause pain to others. Those people that are the difficult ones in our lives, and usually the ones that need the most love. Once we spend time to see their story, we can become kindred spirits after all. I've seen this more recently in the tv series LOST. When LOST was first beginning we were introduced to so many characters, and quickly discovered that many of them had not-so-nice pasts, including murder. But when the episodes showed flashbacks of individual characters' lives, did we almost automatically start rooting for that character--or at least, understanding why they did what they did? Of course, there are always some things that there are no excuses for. But on the whole, I want to be the kind of person that can find a kindred spirit in most everyone. I want to be someone who is slow to speak, quick to listen, and who will be willing to alter her first judgements of people. I want to be someone who sees beyond labels into the uniqueness of an individual and cherishes who they are. I want to be like Anne, not just because of my red hair :) Thank Jesus that I already have so very, very many kindred spirits in my life, and I hope to always leave room for more!

Wait, I have a blog?

I haven't forgotten about my blog, I've really just been at a loss for what to share! Leave it to Stephanie to give me a push :) So here are some ramblings:

-Things at work are still lameo, but I'm moving to a new position within the company, which is supposed to be accompanied by a little raise, so there's a little bit of hope. I figure, even if I hate the new position as much as I hate what I'm doing now, at least I'll be making a little more money with it, right? Seems logical.

-I am so much falling in love with my church family. Seeing the way they care for each other, work through issues together, and spend time together just makes me so happy. If it weren't for the fact that the following day is Monday which means I have to go back to work, Sundays would hands-down be my favorite day of the week! I really look forward to Sunday morning service, I love the Sunday evening potlucks they sometimes have, I have fun at choir practice each Wednesday evening, and I was even glad I went to the church budget meeting! It is wonderful to be around people that love the Word and seek to be faithful to the Lord's will.

-If you remember from last summer, my good friend Lisa and I planted a garden together in her yard (since sadly I am lacking my own yard). Well this year we doubled the size of our garden, and so far things are going GREAT! The tomatoes, cucumbers, squash, and peppers are doing well just like last year. However this year we have added corn--which has been AMAZING to watch grow--it actually looks like corn!!!, string beans, lettuce, spinach (which sadly has already died), and we are getting ready to plant some watermelon and canteloupe seedlings. So great! Come visit me and maybe I can give you some produce :)

-I really like wearing lipstick. This is neither here nor there, but something I have come to terms with, even if it does make me sound like a little old lady.

Alright, well I think that is good enough of a start to get me back into the swing of things! And if anyone (coughstepaniecough) has any suggestions of what I should be talking about, feel free to let me know :-P

Membership

Nothing much exciting has been happening in my life recently, which is perfectly fine with me! I love consistency. The most recent fun thing in life is that this past Sunday I became a member of my church! I really can't even say how excited I am. I have been attending regularly for about a year and a half, and have grown to love the people and the values of this church. I had a great meeting wit the associate pastor and one of the elders to discuss membership, and joing on Sunday was wonderful. I am so glad for the opportunity to be cared for and disciplined by the people God has put in leadership here. How beautiful a church body is with many members, each with differing gifts and personalities. It is wonderful to be a committed part of a such a group. My prayer is that I will be able to offer as much as is offered to me! This is the first church I've ever become a member of, so I am excited to be "official" :)

The American Pink

I don't understand the color pink. I don't know that I've ever understood it. The most I know is that we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue so that strangers will know the gender of the baby and can stop you in the grocery store to tell you what a cute little girl or boy you have. How those colors were chose, and who was the one to pink them, I have no idea. But I truly would like to know.

But that is where my knowledge of the color ends. I don't know if this is only in American, or in the western world, or if this is somehow a universal understanding of what colors to dress your baby in.

What I don't understand is this: Why, as babies get bigger, is it ok for girls to wear blue but never for boys to wear pink? Truly! The only guys I know that wear pink are either gay, or have the slogan "Real men wear pink" printed on their hot pink t-shirt.

I really just don't get it. How was pink assigned to be the GIRLS ONLY color? Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against the color, I just can't wrap my mind around it. And as a girl, it seems an unspoken rule that you can not be ambivilent about pink. You must either love it/be obsessed with it, or you must thoroughly abhor it. Either one is acceptable, but no "Eh, I could take it or leave it."

I'm not sure how pink got to be like this...I truly don't think any other color has as much confusion surrounding it. Anyone have any ideas? I know this is a random discussion...but it is seriously something I question quite often. Help!

The Lie of Big TVs

Yesterday there was a rare occurance in my life. I was thinking, and mid-thought I stopped myself. I said, "Stop it, you're thinking wrongly." And I was.

Most of my thoughts these days center around money, and it sucks. I mean sure, it sucks to not really have any money, but it seems to suck even more to not be able to stop thinking about money. It seems that everyone I know these days has a flat-screen tv that takes up pretty much a whole wall in the living area. Many people at much church dress up in their real diamonds and pearls. My friends are buying new houses and new cars and new clothes. And I've gotten so jealous.

I've always known I'm a jealous-type person, but so far in life I'd only seen that played out in friendships and relationships. Now I'm seeing a whole new side of it.

Yes, I have to budget my paychecks carefully and record where I'm spending every cent. Yes, between paychecks sometimes my bank account goes down to $50. And yes, I can't just spend money on a new outfit, or something I really want at the grocery store, or going to see a movie spur of the moment. But I'm so, so, so rich. I'm definitely rich compared to the rest of the world. My friend's pastor has described wealth as "Being able to eat what you want when you want it." And yes, I do that all the time. And even by American standards I'm not poor. I can afford rent each money. I can splurge on groceries sometimes. I pay off all my bills each month. I have enough money to take care of my guinea pigs.

So why all these feelings of "not enough money" suddenly? Sure, I think a lot of it comes through comparison. "Oh, she has a new outfit on again today, and this sweater I'm wearing I've had since I was a sophmore in college." "Oh, her tv is so awesome, I think I need one like that. I don't even have cable, but I need a big one to watch movies on when I have company." (And that happens, what, 5 times a year??) But I think, comparisons aside, that somewhere in the past year a shift has occurred inside me making me believe that more money will really make me happy. That if I could just get college paid off and have a little extra mad money, then my life would be the way it's supposed to be. That if I could just be making what my friends are making, then I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

I'm not sure when or how that shift occurred, but it sucks and it's sinful. Truth of all truths, the more money I have the more things I wil find to spend it on, and it will never be enough. Truth of all truths, Jesus is my happiness and goodness, and I could still have joy in my life if I had only Him and a card board box to sleep in. And I don't know why I keep thinking I need to be more happy. I have been the most happy and content this past year than I have been in my life whole. Happiness is cuddling with my guinea pigs while watching a movie. Happiness is watching the sunrise after I've been at work for awhile. Happiness is in afternoon naps, visits with friends, and walking in the park that I can walk to from my apartment. Happiness is not being broken into, is getting letters from my little Duvan that I sponsor in Columbia, is reading books from the library.

So I will keep praying for the truth of the unhappiness of money to fill my soul. Because really I enjoy giving that $5 to a homeless man a lot more than I enjoy going out for ice cream.

Beauty in the pain

Yesterday started out as a normal day. Went to work at 5:45, dealt with crazy people, then came home. It got more unusual as I went to the gym after work--been at a least a month since I've done that! I cleaned, ate a quick dinner, and went to choir practice. It's amazing the things the float up when you take a minute to sit and be. By the time I was driving home from choir I was in non-stop tears. The devestation in Haiti, pain my mom is in, plus rough circumstances of people in the church all just worked together to strike a chord in my heart. Sometimes, it is good to be reminded of the ache. What a reminder that we are not made for this world. It is GOOD to feel pain over large tragedies like Haiti, as well as close-to-home painful circumstances. Such realities of our fallen-ness break Jesus' heart, and it is good that they break ours as well. It can be overwhelming to think of children now orphaned roaming the streets, of people suffering from the deepest lonliness, of people without clean drinking water, of death coming to those dear to our hearts. But how GOOD it is to think of these things, to be saddened by them instead of hardened or apathetic. What a reminder of what is to come! One day--hopefully SOON--"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away" So let's enter into the pain. Let's suffer with those who are suffering, pray for those that are hurting, and comfort those who are mourning. And let us cling to the precious, precious hope and truth that JESUS is the one who will make and who is making everything new. Let's ask Him to help us place our trust in Him and Him only. Because ultimately the government can't fix everything. Money can't fix everything. Even kindness cannot fix everything. The Truth is that we all deserve death. We all deserve Haiti. And when the day of judgement comes, Americans and Haitians alike will plead only the cross of Christ and His mercy.

2010 vs Heaven

New Things Accomplished in '09:

-joined/sang in a church choir
-successfully co-grew a garden (that actually produced!)
-had a positive tb test
-flew with my parents for the first time (with it actually being less stressful than anticipated)
-bought a laptop
-filed my own insurance claims and spent plenty of phone time with bcbs of alabama representitives telling them what they were doing wrong
-renewed my lease so I could actuallt stay put for more than a year!
-met a 101 yr old man
-picked wax out of my guinea pig's ear
-got a NC driver's license and license plate
-so many other new things I can't even think of!!


I'm not really one for New Year's resolutions, but one thing I love abou the new year is the way it mentally is a fresh start. It's a time to say "okay, maybe this past year sucked, but think of all the great things that could happen this year!" Kind of like what Anne of Green Gables says about the morning: "Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it." Something my friend Jennifer Hagin said got me thinking about this. Heaven is going to be so weird and awesome! In Heaven, there's not really going to be a concept of time (as far as I understand it). Because it'll be forever. That's a hard concept to grasp. And it's hard to think about not having a fresh start every morning or every new year. But the AWESOME thing about that is--we won't NEED a fresh start! Nothing is going to be screwed up in heaven. Nothing will need a re-do. No day/year will be so bad that we can't wait for it to be over. So, so strange. And that is the random thought that the New Year always gets me thinking about. One day, we won't need a fresh start. What a day to look forward to!